you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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