Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
