Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
