She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
