Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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