I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
