Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
