I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
