Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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