O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
