I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Houston, we have a squirter
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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