I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
