Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
