It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
