I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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