Dual....:-)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Houston, we have a blender
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
