Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
