Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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