He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
