Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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