How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
