Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
