I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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