this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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