Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
