I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
