i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
