this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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