it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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