yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
