I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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