I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
