the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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