Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
