Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is Oprah even human
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
