There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
