john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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