Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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