guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
