I'm jealous of your bromance
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
