fuck your aforementioned shoe
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
