OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This baby is an asshole
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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