i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
