I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize