I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize