I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
