I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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