I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
