I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
