so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They took my balls.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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