Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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