I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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