he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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