i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
