so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
