Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
