Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize