you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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