ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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