I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
