It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
