Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This house was built for laser tag.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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