How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
