what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
