I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
