I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
