new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
