the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
