I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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