He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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