It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
