Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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