How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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